he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
