How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
