Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
