he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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