i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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