Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
