***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
