Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My feet surprised me
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
