Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
