There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
