I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
