WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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