dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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