Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
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