At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
