when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
