RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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