Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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