I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
