My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm at about main and main street
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
