i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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