If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He has the fingertips of a God
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