I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
