he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I want to be your penis for a week.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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