i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You're like the curious george of whores
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
