So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
