hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
