You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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