Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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