My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
