apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
