Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
