I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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