i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
