This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
