She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
