I skipped work to stalk him.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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