Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
