the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
