Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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