He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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