did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
