my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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