I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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