you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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