So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
