I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
