i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
