Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Too much gin, very little bucket
you mean i was at the winter classic?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize