I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
