can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
