I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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