Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
