he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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