I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
