so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
