are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
