Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize