I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize