Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize