I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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