I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
