I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
