After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
