Just fell off a train. Bad.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
