I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
