you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
