So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
