just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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