I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Small penises have feelings too.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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