yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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